Fun With Russia
by KaoruTheRandomBookworm
Summary: Russia and America are on a very popular tv show. This is the story of one of their more popular episodes. Warning: Contains cheesy banter and lame one-liners.


"Hello, everybody!" America yelled into a microphone. "You're back for another episode of Blowing Stuff Up with Russia! As always I'm your favorite host, the United States of America coming to you live from Washington, D.C."

America paused as his studio audience cheered loudly.

"I'm glad you're all ready to have a great time! And now it's time for everyone's favorite bomb monster, Russia!"

Behind the over-excited host, a curtain opened up and revealed a large viewing screen that rivaled those at the theater. The screen flicked on, revealing the tall nation standing in front of a building that looked like it could be from an old western.

"Good afternoon, America!" Russia said loudly through what seemed like strong winds.

"Hello, Russia! So where are you today?"

Russia laughed. "You know that's classified information, America! I like the places I bomb to be surprised."

As usual, this answer worried America beyond belief which caused him to choke out, "On a scale of one to ten, Russia, how populated is this area?"

Russia took the camera off of its tripod and walked down the streets of the small town with it. "As you all can see this area has a population of 0%. Completely deserted. This town was abandoned in 1999. It's a ghost town out here!"

"Ghosts?" America swallowed loudly. "There isn't anything in my contract about ghosts. None are going to follow you back, right?"

"I honestly can't make any promises," the Russian teased the American.

America followed suit, laughing nervously. "All righty then! We only have an hour for this show so let's get on with the program! Russia, can you tell us what it is you're going to be blowing up first today?"

"I walked through some of these houses and discovered a lot of things still in perfect condition which I ignored completely! The older the things look the more of boom we'll get, so we have a lot of great things here. First, we're going to be handling an oven, which my lovely assistants have already put into place."

The camera zoomed out of Russia's close up and showed an old, yellowed oven next to him on the ground. Russia knelt down next to it so they could zoom in a bit to get a better shot.

"So, how are we blowing up this oven, Russia? And remember nuking it is out of the question!"

"That's an excellent question. As it turns out, this oven is gas powered. I will be lighting a stick of dynamite and lighting it on the inside. Then I will take this remote," he held up a grey remote with a large red button, "which one of my lovely assistants made for me, and press the button. That will start releasing the gas. If my calculations are correct this will maximize the explosion."

"And where will you be during the explosion?" America asked.

The Russian scoffed. "Right here, of course! Where else would I be?"

"Don't you think that may be a little too dangerous and nervous-making for our studio audience?"

"I'm Russia!"

"Oh-kay! We'll pretend like that's a legitimate answer! Let's get this party started!"

"Are you ready then?"

The audience cheered loudly as Russia pulled a stick of dynamite out of his pocket.

"That's right, ladies! Real men carry dynamite with them so that they can make any moment cast sparks!"

The women in the audience cheered loudly, but Russia shook his head. "Don't be so cheesy, America!" he scolded as he lit the dynamite.

"I have to keep the women wanting more!"

On screen, the nation threw the dynamite into the oven and stepped back a couple of steps.

"And now for my next trick!" Russia pushed the button and everyone watched as the oven blew up beautifully.

"Check out those colors, everyone!" America smiled. "Purples and greens! It'll be hard for Russia to top that one!"

"Well as they say, America, you never start off with your best stuff. You have to keep them coming back."

"How much more cheesy enthusiasm can we put into this program, people?"

The audience sat idly by as Russia blew up a piano, a tomb stone, and an abandoned police station. They listened patiently as America and Russia continued with their stupid banter.

"Looks like we only have time for one more!" America said, stealing a glance at his watch. "What are you going to do for your big finale?"

"I'm going to blow this whole ghost town sky high!" Russia yelled into the camera, receiving cheers from the audience. When the audience calmed down, Russia started explaining where he had hidden the different bombs throughout the small town his was in. There were some under beds, in filing cabinets, shoved into the giant waterhoses at the fire station, and in an old helicopter next to the hospital.

The audience held their breath as he pushed the button and the screen erupted in to various shades of reds and oranges. Almost immediately after, the studio began to shake, causing everyone to duck under their chairs. When the shaking stopped and America stood up again, he laughed nervously. "Russia?" he asked. "How close are you to the studio?"

"America, that's classified."

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><p><strong>AN **

**I wanted to do something fun and kind of weird. And this is the product of that. I'm sure that a lot of people will hate it, but I've been told that it's better to write for yourself than write for an audience, because writing for an audience will only disappoint. **

**Thanks for writing! I hope you enjoyed this!**

**Please review and DFTBA!**


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